


here comes a thought

by CallMeCaptainOrSir



Series: i'll be around for you [20]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Friendship, Gen, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Song Lyrics, Steven Universe References, love and support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 20:58:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16312610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeCaptainOrSir/pseuds/CallMeCaptainOrSir
Summary: “Well? What do you think?”Buck grinned, “I think this is going to work.”Bucky has panic attacks, which lead to flashbacks, which lead to.... you get the idea. Peter thinks he can help.





	here comes a thought

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HyperchaoticStarlight (MVPYurio)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MVPYurio/gifts).



> Lia wrote the first half, I took the second. Look at me, finally contributing to the series!
> 
> I'm super excited to work on this series, you'll probably come to recognize my stuff by its heavier note. School is keeping me really busy at the moment, so I'll be here only sporadically, but I've got a lot of ideas. Hope you like it!  
> ~ James

“So, it usually happens when you have a panic attack?” Peter asked.

Bucky nodded slowly, avoiding Peter’s eyes. “Yeah. I freak out, and I lose control… it’s like I lose control of my mind. My train of thought just… goes off, and next thing I know…” He bit his lip, breathing starting to become heavy.

“It’s okay. I know what you’re saying.”

“I forget who I am.”

His voice was flat, deadpan, detached, his eyes staring off into the distance. “I forget who I am, I forget where I’m from, I forget everything about my life, and I try to kill anyone who tries to help me.”

“Anyone who tries?” Peter asked. “Or anyone who’s tried in the past?”

“Not many people have tried,” said Bucky.

“Any civilians?”

Bucky snorted. “Like anyone would ever allow me near a civilian.”

“So everyone who tries to help you, also looks like a threat,” Peter concluded. “Of course you try to kill them.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

Peter stood up and began pacing. “Maybe this is just me sounding like Tony, but I want to figure this out.”

“Figure what out?”

“You’re suffering,” Peter said simply. “I don’t want you to suffer. Okay. So you have a panic attack, and then you have an episode. So what if we figure out a way to stop you at the panic attack stage?”

Bucky blinked a few times. “I never thought about it that way,” he said. “That… is actually a really good idea.”

“I have those sometimes,” said Peter, grinning. “So, what calms you down?”

“Music,” Bucky replied immediately. “We weren’t allowed to have music, so…”

“Music, huh?” Peter hummed contemplatively, and then, suddenly, his eyes lit up. “I have a song to play for you.”

* * *

 

“Okay, so what is this song again?” Bucky asked.

“It’s a song about scary thoughts and calming down,” said Peter. “It… honestly, it kinda fits your situation perfectly. So if it’s too on the nose, tell me to stop.”

Bucky nodded.

Three minutes later, Bucky turned to Peter, eyes wide and shining with the potential of tears.

“So,” said Peter. “Think that might help?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said quietly. “I think it will.” His fingers tapped against the arm of the couch. “Play it again?”

“Sure,” said Peter. “JARVIS, play the song again.”

“Put it on loop,” Bucky added.

Peter smiled. “Yeah, JARVIS. Put it on loop.”

* * *

 

“Bucky! Guess what I did!”

“What?”

Peter ran to his bed and grabbed a black case sitting on it. He unzipped the case to reveal a ukulele. “I taught myself to play our song on the ukulele!”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile. Peter’s energy was boundless and irresistible; it was no wonder that he and Stark were so close.

“Can I play it for you? Please?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Bucky. He sat down on the beanbag, the one that all but had his name on it for how often he was there, and looked up at Peter. “Go ahead.”

Peter's voice was high and a little shaky, but his fingers were sure on the strings. He glanced quickly back and forth between his playing and Bucky. He didn't move, barely blinked until he was done. 

“Well? What do you think?”

Buck grinned, “I loved it.” His eyes shone. “I think this is going to work.”

* * *

 

Monthly movie night was the first tradition Peter and Bucky'd established. They'd been working on getting Bucky caught up on all the sci-fi he'd missed. It was always a little risky, with the potential triggers hidden through them, but they'd been careful. Until they weren't. Peter had never seen it, MJ said it was good and she was always right about stuff like that.

Bucky tucked his legs up onto the couch as Peter hit play on  _ Manchurian Candidate _ .

It was the dream sequence that got him.  _ His mask was off, gun leveled at the man before him. _ Bucky felt his shoulder ache as his whole body tensed up. His skin pulled too tight across his knuckles.  _ He reached out a hand to him.  _ Bucky's head spun, spots dancing in front of his vision.  _ “Bucky?” He knew that voice. Why does he know that voice? _

“Bucky?” 

_ “Who the hell is Bucky?” _

“Bucky, hey.” He blinked. Peter was kneeling in front of him on the floor. Bucky drew a shaky breath and pressed his hands against his face. It felt like he was coming apart.

“Can I touch you?” Peter hadn't come any closer, still a good two feet away. “I'm going to sit next to you, okay?”

Bucky managed a nod. Peter sat with his side not quite pressed against his, close enough to know he's there but far enough it was Bucky's choice to come to him. He slowly leaned against him. The kid ran warm. Peter leaned back and started to sing, quietly at first. 

_ Take a moment to think of just _ __  
_ Flexibility, love, and trust _ __  
_ Take a moment to think of just _ _  
_ __ Flexibility, love, and trust

The asset heard music. Amateurish, gentle, music. The kind of music that was meant for two people who knew each other.

_ Here comes a thought that might alarm you _ __  
_ What someone said and how it harmed you _ __  
_ Something you did that failed to be charming _ __  
_ Things that you said are suddenly swarming _ __  
__  
_ And, oh, you're losing sight, you're losing touch _ __  
_ All these little things seem to matter so much _ __  
_ That they confuse you _ _  
_ __ That I might lose you

He was warm. The kind of warm that went beyond the physical. The asset knew the feeling, had felt it somewhere before.

_ Take a moment, remind yourself _ __  
_ To take a moment and find yourself _ __  
_ Take a moment and ask yourself _ __  
_ If this is how we fall apart _ __  
_ But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not _ __  
_ It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay _ __  
_ You've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear _ _  
_ __ I'm here, I'm here, I'm here

It reminded him of Sarah, Bucky decided, or his sisters. Bucky matched his breathing to Peter's and joined in. 

_ And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought _ __  
_ It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay _ __  
_ We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by _ _  
_ __ From here, from here, from here

“Thank you.”

“I'm glad it worked.” There was a slight tremor to Peter's voice as he spoke.

“Me too.” Bucky wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders, “Me too, kid.”

_ Take a moment to think of just _ __  
_ Flexibility, love, and trust _ __  
_ Take a moment to think of just _ _  
_ __ Flexibility, love, and trust

**Author's Note:**

> This series is brought to you by Lia (she/her, HyperchaoticStarlight) and James (they/them, TheMagicMicrobus). We try to update about every 2 weeks. However, we are both students (Lia is in college; James is in high school), and so we cannot promise perfection.
> 
> Find Lia on Tumblr @ hyperchaoticstarlight, marvel-at-these-gays, scienceshipping, and tinytonys.  
> Find James on Tumblr @ themagicmicrobus and morethanhumantogether.
> 
> If you have ideas for this series, please feel free to reach out to one of us and we will consider putting it in!


End file.
